HIV and AIDS: Women living with HIV and the men who support us

I have been living with HIV for 16 years. Ten years ago when I received the diagnosis I had many thoughts: What did this mean? How was I going to tell my family and friends? Would I ever have another relationship? Could I have children?

My journey with HIV has been interesting and like most people living with the virus, I have experienced stigma and discrimination. Fear of stigma, discrimination and violence is an overwhelming reason why many women choose not to disclose their HIV status.

In March 2009, after a two year relationship, I married Craig, who is HIV negative. I feel blessed to have him in my life, as he is able to see the person before the virus. Craig took the initiative of finding answers to the many questions about what my status meant for our relationship.

The Swiss Federal AIDS Commission, after an extensive literature review, has concluded that HIV positive people may be able to have sexual intercourse with their sero-negative partners without risk of transmitting the virus ^[1] . This is conditional on HIV positive individuals:

• having an undetectable viral load in the blood for at least six months;
• strictly adhering to their anti-retroviral treatment; and
• being free of other sexually transmitted infection (STIs)

The authors stressed that their conclusion only applies under these criteria, and that the decision on whether or not to have sexual intercourse without the protection of a condom should always be that of the sero-negative partner.

This study has enabled many women like me to consider the possibility of having children and to do this in a responsible and safe way. I feel very privileged to live in a country where I have access to all the information and services that we need. This access is vital for all people living with HIV to achieve positive health, dignity and prevention in their lives and relationships.

Men who support women living with HIV

Although it is difficult to access information for HIV discordant couples, through various support mechanisms for people living with HIV ^[2] , I was able to review the limited research available. I was amazed at how medical science had advanced in recent years but disappointed at how little of it actually reaches people in communities.

HIV can cause a relationship to fail at the very early stages if people lack relevant and clear information. According to a study facilitated by GNP+ in South Africa, Tanzania and Ukraine, ‘participants in all countries reported there was a shortage of information, education, communication materials and support services for HIV discordant couples’ ^[3] .

Because of where we work and live, we are fortunate to have access to professionals who can accurately advise us. It is important that all people who need this information are able to access it.

Having overcome the initial hurdle of understanding the implications of being in a relationship with an HIV positive person, there is also a need to develop skills such as: how and if to disclose your partner’s status to family and friends; how to deal with stigma and discrimination; and how to support the needs of your HIV positive partner.

Based on our experiences, it is essential that sexual and reproductive health services be supportive and provide for the needs of sero-discordant couples. More research is also needed into the many issues couples like us face and into treatment as an effective form of prevention. Most importantly, we must continue to address stigma and discrimination and ensure access to information and services for everyone, regardless of where they live.

^[1] Eurosurveillance, Volume 13, Issue 6, 07 February 2008

^[2] The Body and HIV I-Base

^[3] Global Network of People living with HIV, June 2009

^[4] A Framework for Priority Linkages, 2005 WHO, IPPF, UNFPA, UNAIDS